Posts tagged with steve rogers
reblogged from black-nata
reblogged from jessicadegouw
The thing about Bucky is that he loses his identity twice-over: once after joining the war effort, in the space between starry-eyed recruit and battle-tested soldier, in the moment when the idealized vision of War (marching in tandem, brothers in arms, I Want You and Uncle Sam, Fuckin’ Hitler and those gaddamn Nazis) shifts in his mind to what war actually is (too cold that even his buttons freeze, brothers in arms dropping like flies, the one time he and a German soldier get up close and personal in the backwoods and Bucky manages to stab him through the throat with a knife, the goddamn German looks so much like one of the guys he knew in grade school that Bucky pukes on the dead man’s shoes before heading back toward the rest of the fighting). His boyhood innocence is just gone and then he’s captured by Red Skull and then, of course, there’s torture and blacking out from pain and exhaustion and hope, well, hope is for people who don’t know any better.
And then Steve appears, like a ghost of the innocence he had back home. But: Steve is different. Taller. Built like a fucking truck. But he’s the same in all the ways that count. Then there’s, “NOT WITHOUT YOU.” Because Steve is home, and somewhere along the line, Bucky knows that Steve is also hope: not unrealistic, idealized hope that used to line Bucky’s thoughts before reality came and wrecked him. No. Steve is the kind of hope that there’s a fucking chance at salvation in this world. And Bucky can’t leave hope behind. Not again. Then, of course, the fall from the train car. On the way down and in the subsequent years in Soviet custody, Bucky loses everything that ever made him a man. What he is now is a weapon. It’s easier, that way.